journaling ... again... and taking a look at my 2019

I have started so many paper journals and online journals. Hell this is my 4th blog...

Yet here I am again - trying my 4th blog as my online journal. I want to be able to access it anywhere and I type so much better than I hand write.

So where am I?

I am feeling very middle aged and I am 7 months shy of hitting 40.
I am feeling FAT and unwanted.
I am feeling EXHAUSTED.
I am feeling like I am not living up to my potential.

I follow the RISE podcast and she recently completed a podcast about taking stock on where you are right now - in the middle of the year. Are you on track to complete your goals? Do you need to revise your goals? NOT to start over and say screw the next 6 months and wait til January. To take ownership of your goals.

My goals for 2019-
-lose 70 lbs
-be an exceptional wife
-be an exceptional mother
-be published in a nursing journal
-find a tribe of female friends

How am I stacking up?
- I have lost and regained the same 10 lbs at least 4 times.
-I quit scheduling my dates with my husband and stopped making them a priority.
-I have yelled at my kids or thrown electronics at them WAY more than I would like to admit.
-I have slacked in my research portion to even write up anything to submit to a journal
-friends... ehhh I suck at friendships. I have lots of acquaintances. But very few true people in my life that I would call for help or that would call me.

So where does that leave me? Am I going to say fuck it until January... get fatter, lazier, sadder, more lonely?

HAHA no... I take this as a refection and self challenge.

There are 25 weeks left of 2019. 
25 weeks left to work on me.
25 weeks to get healthier.
25 weeks to hug my kids a little more and yell a little less.
25 weeks of memory making as a family.
25 weeks to date my husband.
25 weeks to finish my project and write it up.
25 weeks to put myself out there and get out of my comfort zone.

Lets focus on 4 important goals to complete by the end of this year -

Goal 1 - lose 70 lbs.
Obviously I am not going to lose 70lbs in 25 weeks since I have lost and gained the same 10 lbs for 4 years. BUT that doesnt mean I cant lose 35lbs  taking me to a new goal of 178lbs by 2020.

What would need to be done for this to happen?

• water, water and more water. Hit my 50% body weight EVERY DAMN DAY. 
• no alcohol
• no sugary sweets
• log my food 
• eat more lean meats and veggies
• say no to things I know I should say NO to
• EXERCISE - plan my workouts and actually complete them every single time. 

Goal 2 -  be an exceptional wife

• weekly alone time with hubby
• biweekly fun silly dates
• love notes
• sex, sex and some more sex

Goal 3 -  be an exceptional mom

• phone down, head up
• weekly solo time with each kid
• talk, talk and more talk
• family dinners 4 nights a week. 

Goal 4 -  Be published, the work wont be done but the process can start. 

• complete my nursing questionaire and education by end of Aug
• prep article and get date Nov/Dec